Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Cheating

Lately, the news has been inundated with cheating celebs (including one of my favorite celeb couples - Monica/Rocko). This is how it all starts:

"Most men probably are not thinking about cheating, at first (unless they're on some real immature playa type ish), but as the relationship progresses, the newness wears off, you go through your ups and downs and temptation starts rearing it’s ugly head (as it always does), the thoughts of cheating occur. The interesting thing about male infidelity is that it doesn’t usually come via a random, unexpected encounter; I mean, seriously, how many of us have women showing up at our doors in trench coats (besides celebs). It’s usually someone we’ve known for a while or someone who, at the very least, has been on the periphery of your lives for an extended period of time. Maybe it’s an old cutty buddy turned friend, maybe it's someone we've always had a platonic relationship with, an ex or one of our acquaintances, maybe it’s a co-worker we’re spending long hours with – the point is; If it’s going to happen, it’s going to be with someone we’ve been around long enough to allow the idea to fester and nestle itself into a comfortable space in our minds. Once it’s in there, outside of cutting off contact completely, it’s almost impossible to remove. From there, depending on how often we communicate and/or see the person, and the context of those encounters, the temptation grows and grows till we hit the breaking point: the rationalization.

I call the rationalization “the breaking point” because it’s the point where we stop thinking about why we shouldn’t step outside of our relationship, and start thinking about why we should. Our mind will first point to what we feel are deficiencies in the relationship: lack of passion or sexual chemistry, boredom, arguing, lack of sex, infidelity on her part, etc, etc, etc. Then we start to rationalize some more...we look around at all of our other guy friends who seem to be doing it, we look on television and it’s common place there, it's common place in the movies, every other song on the radio is about casual sex. We’ll tell ourselves, like most woman and the rest of society told us already, that all men cheat. And we've probably already emotionally cheated (which in my opinion is just as bad as sexual cheating). Rationalization Complete – game over, meet me at the hotel."

There is no rationalization for cheating. Wrong is wrong. Cheating is a very self absorbed act. Last year this time I was at a very different, difficult point in my life. I hurt and lost the woman I love because of cheating. There is so much pain that results in cheating. A lot of people end up getting hurt including yourself. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is do we learn from our mistakes. Through lots of prayer, penance, time, her having a forgiving heart and faith in me, I'm back in a committed, monogamous relationship. I've learned that in order to be faithful, one must have maturity, wisdom, self discipline, a strong sense of morality and not allowing yourself to be in certain situations. Relationships are difficult and it's very easy to get caught up....It all comes down to a choice.
"It just isn't worth the high of the romantic love/lust. The reason I said love/lust is that romantic love is often needy and dependent love at the worst and just lust at best. Healthy mature love is feeling secure about yourself and really caring about your partner. It is the action of loving rather than the feeling of love. Mature love is what makes a partnership last. Romantic love is fleeting and rather self absorbed. Neediness is really self-oriented."
Golden by Chrisette Michelle

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Lets let true love connect lets try lasting together

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days
when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical American shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

2 comments:

Oh Baby!!!!!! said...

Love it...and I love you!!!!

Don said...

Great, great post.

Very heartfelt.

Man. Where do I begin? From my years of cheating ... it never really hit me hard and made me truly look at things from a different perspective until I was cheated on by the mother of my two youngest daughters.

Aw man, the pain. And how long it took me to get past the pain. I wouldn't wish it upon not even my worse enemy.

Wholeheartedly agreed @ There is so much pain that results in cheating. A lot of people end up getting hurt including yourself. We all make mistakes, but the important thing is do we learn from our mistakes.